relationships

What’s your {blocking} story?

June 9, 2016

What's your story Do you have a story about yourself or about your world that may be blocking you from achieving success or is stopping you from doing something?

A story is something everyone has – it’s the story of us. This is the story we tell ourselves as rationale for why we can’t have what we want, or have that relationship or move to that next level of success. We all have a story about why something “can’t happen.” Sometimes these stories are not relevant in the present.

For example, an entrepreneurial client of mine felt she had to train with a well-known business coach because everyone else had, even though she was confident and had worked in her field for years. Yet she felt she needed this certification for proof – to prove she was an expert. That was her story.

From her story we learned that her belief came from her past, her parents have various post-secondary degrees and so she too felt like an outside source and validation was needed to authorize her as an expert.

What’s your {blocking} story?

Stories can also come from relationships or sports. A lot of people hesitate to join team sports as adults because they weren’t good or did not enjoy sports in elementary school, but they should join a team because they are fun – and they want to join, but don’t because of their blocking belief that they won’t be any good.

For me, my story involves money. I had beliefs around money that made my life miserable. The stories I would tell myself around money came from my parents and their relationship with money. What I saw and heard as a child became a blocking belief that would narrate my story with money – until I worked to change that story.

What is your story? And what beliefs come out when you tell your story out loud? Most of the time these beliefs are not relevant and need to be replaced with a new story.

Share your story in the comments below or my Facebook Page. I would love to help you uncover any blocking beliefs and help you work toward a more relevant story.

Break Free From Disempowering Beliefs: My guest interview on the Badboy Breakthrough Podcast

May 30, 2016

Recently, I was a guest on Lorna Poole’s Badboy Breakthrough Podcast discussing my introduction into Core Belief Engineering therapy (CBE)and how it helped me realize I had terrible beliefs surrounding relationships with men.

If you haven’t heard of the Badboy Breakthrough podcast, this twice weekly podcast is all about divulging the secrets to men, love, sex and relationships. Lorna encourages women to think about why they are still single, why they could be having relationship troubles, and interviews dating and relationship experts from all over the world. I am happy to add my expertise on breaking free from disempowering beliefs in order to have a healthy relationship. You can listen to my interview on Lorna’s podcast here ->

As you know, I was introduced into CBE therapy after hearing the amazing results my now husband had achieved while working with a CBE therapist. He recommended CBE therapy after learning, first hand; that I didn’t trust men and believed all men would eventually cheat on their spouse or significant other. I projected this lack of trust onto him.

My CBE therapist narrowed in on the parts of me that held these beliefs and then through dialogue with those beliefs made that subconscious part of me come forward so I could dialogue with it to talk it down. Core Belief Engineering therapy enabled me to resolve the beliefs that were blocking me from having a healthy relationship with my husband and also got me interested in learning and practicing Core Belief Engineering.

People who walk through my door recognize they have a pattern or block. CBE therapy shows them the belief component behind those patterns so they can approach situations differently. Essentially, CBE takes the big rocks and smashes them into smaller pieces so people can see what their blocking beliefs are and work to change or remove them.

CBE is successful because it connects people back to their base (before the blocking beliefs were formed) and get a person’s core beliefs working again – the beliefs that are uniquely and inherently them.

When we are young our beliefs are uniquely us, but school and other external influences change our unique beliefs and sometimes form beliefs that block our true beliefs. Blocking beliefs are not healthy and if it affects relationships. CBE works with people so they can recognize when they are having a blocking belief, work through it and have healthy relationships.

Have a listen to the podcast – Lorna asks some great questions about what Core Belief Engineering is and how it can help people who have trouble maintainging a healthy relationship.

Interview with Diane Valiquette from The Separation/Divorce Resource Centre

April 12, 2016

I have known Diane Valiquette for five years now and she and I are colleagues at The Separation/Divorce Resource Centre (SDRC) in Ottawa. Together we have seen many couples come in for therapy, but sometimes things just don’t work out and things end in separation or divorce.

Who is Diane?

Diane founded the SDRC because of her own situation in which her husband up and left. She was angry and frustrated and found herself without many resources, counselling or programs, especially those offered in a group setting. She didn’t want to feel alone and felt a group setting was the best way to help her, and others in similar situations, to heal.

Diane is a social worker by training and expanded her knowledge in the area of relationship healing with Dr. Bruce Fisher, best known for his book Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends. He taught Diane at his Divorce Seminar Center in Boulder, Colorado. Moving there and learning from Dr. Fisher was a big change for Diane, who had followed a man to Colorado to only find herself in a similar situation with her new husband as she was in with her ex-husband.

The Rebuilding Workshop

Diane offers a course for individuals going through a divorce or separation. The 12-week workshop, called the Rebuilding Workshop, is based on a relationship blueprint. Through her own personal experiences with her ex husbands and watching her daughter bring home men eerily similar to her father, Diane had an epiphany regarding this blueprint and built her workshop around this.

The course starts by working through and healing the blueprint so we people can stand in their powers when going into new relationships. Recovering from a divorce is much like climbing a mountain – it’s a difficult journey that requires an individual take one step at a time.

How Can the Rebuilding Workshop help you?

This Rebuilding Workshop will help individuals going through a tough divorce or separation figure out what it is that is attracting the same kinds of people all the time and then enable them to heal. For example, you want to feel wanted, but you don’t feel like you are wanted by your significant other – if you are educated in your blueprint and recognize that this is what you are feeling then you can question and confront your feelings and in turn open up intimate dialogue with your partner as opposed to accusing them of something they are not guilty of.

Children can also follow this same blueprint. If one parent brings home a certain type of person, the children more than likely will too because they see their parents doing it. The Rebuilding Workshop is designed to provide the tools and encouragement individuals and their families need to get through this challenging time.

How long should a person going through a divorce remain single?

The first eight months following a relationship is like a black hole. Individuals are dealing with the loss of a relationship and that brings up mixed emotions and feelings and affects every piece of a person and their life.

The healing that needs to come following a relationship starts after 4 to 5 months or after you don’t feel the need to cry for 24 hours a day. This is usually once a new routine is established and everyone has his or her own houses, etc.

When do you know you are ready to date again?

It is important to take the time to heal and not get into a new relationship during this time. If you are in the black hole, stay single unless you can stand strong, know who you are and know what it is you want out of a relationship.

Don’t fill the day or week that you don’t have your children with strangers. Learn to fill the time with meaningful activities that does not include dating until you are happy with yourself and your life again.

Take the time to understand and take responsibility for what happened. Be okay with spending time by yourself before you start spending it with someone new.

For more information on Diane, the Separation/Divorce Resource Centre and her Rebuilding Workshops, visit her online at thesdrc.com or call the office to schedule a Skype session.

I will be continuing the discussion with Diane in upcoming weeks, including how to deal with an ex, and talking with her daughter, Tarah, a Youth Worker, about the child’s point of view of a divorce or separation.

To get the latest news regarding my videos, events and workshops, sign up for my email newsletter, visit my Facebook page, or tweet me

How Core Belief Engineering Helps Relationships

April 5, 2016

Have you ever felt like you are having the same argument with your spouse over and over again? Perhaps you have read books, gone for counseling, but are still fighting over the same thing and are frustrated with the lack of progress?

I see this a lot in new clients. They approach me because they have heard that I can move people beyond their current situation and help people have healthy relationships through Core Belief Engineering (CBE). Core Belief Engineering therapy looks at not only how a couple relates to each other, but also at how each individual reacts within their relationship.

How does this work? Core Belief Engineering Therapists believe the mind is made up of many different parts – these parts dictate how we react within a given situation, including how we react within a relationship. For example, a woman has a “wife part” – this wife part would react when that woman is talking to her husband (but not when she is talking to say, a colleague). The problem within a part starts when there are beliefs surrounding what a woman believes her wife part to be and those beliefs could be interfering with her ability to have a healthy relationship.

A Core Belief Engineering Practitioner looks at an individual’s parts on a conscious level to see what beliefs that person has developed and what patterns have developed because of those beliefs. Using this knowledge, the Core Belief Engineering Practitioner then moves the individual into the relationship that they would like to have.

The CBE approach works very well. I am proof – I had issues with my own “wife parts”. I was unable to deal with conflict in a fair way. Through CBE I came to understand that I grew up with having to defend myself and I thought that was how you interacted with people you loved, but this was not the case with my husband. But I worked on these beliefs, matured these beliefs, and assigned myself new beliefs. This work enabled me to work on better communication and therefore have a healthy relationship with my husband.

If this sounds familiar and you would like to talk about it with me, book a free consultation, or to learn more about Core Belief Engineering, sign up for my email newsletter, visit my Facebook page, or tweet me. I would love to see how I could help you break through any limiting beliefs that could be stopping you from having a healthy relationship.

Do you fight with your honey about money?

February 11, 2016

Have you ever had problems with your significant other surrounding money? My guess is that you have – even I have. It is very common for couples to have disagreements surrounding money. For example, my husband has come to the realization, through trial and error, that I am the best person to do the grocery shopping because I believe in coupons and price matching where as he believes you should just pick up what you need and be done.

On a day-to-day basis we all have ideas on where money should be allocated, spent and saved. What is interesting about money beliefs is that they are, for the most part, inherited from our childhood. For example, my mom believed taking a taxi is a waste of money and therefore, I do too. My husband, whose father was an immigrant, came to Canada and had limited money, so my husband’s money beliefs come from that life experience.

Another area of money contention is around recreational or sporting events. Many men enjoy playing sports, such as hockey and after that they enjoy having drinks with their team mates. Often times I hear the spouse of the person who plays hockey complain that they believe that money should be allocated elsewhere.

Whether we want to admit it or not, sometimes our money beliefs are outdated. Sometimes it is because one or both of your parents were controlling about money i.e., there was tension surrounding a goal one of them set of paying off the mortgage in five years, which meant not spending money elsewhere in life because they had to pay off the mortgage. Money beliefs or money wounds from our childhood can form our reality even though they no longer serve a purpose.

What are your money beliefs? Do you fight with your honey about money? I invite you to work through the money exercise available on my website to see if money is a source of contention in your relationship. The money exercise is designed to help you find out how you can look at your beliefs and merge them to see past any outdated beliefs. Once you have answered the questions, head over to my Facebook page and share your findings about your relationship with money.

Is your spouse hesitant to work on your relationship?

January 5, 2016

Are you looking to work on your relationship with your spouse or significant other, but your partner is not receptive to the idea? Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for a spouse or significant other to disagree about needing help with a relationship.

Often the spouse who is resistant to see someone would rather read books or work on the relationships themselves. Instead of getting upset, which doesn’t help matters, ask them what they think will happen if they do talk to someone. Ask them what they are afraid of. Suggest that they write down the pros and cons of speaking to someone about the relationship, including what their priorities are for the relationship itself.

Writing a pros and cons list is a great place to start for both you and your spouse. If a spouse is still resistant then you need to contact someone yourself and talk to someone. Even if you think the problem lies with your spouse, you still need to talk to someone. Talking to a professional will help you determine your role in the breakdown of your relationship and determine any blind spots that may be affecting your relationship.

If there is something within you that is contributing to the breakdown of a relationship or allowing a bad relationship to continue then you need to talk to someone or the situation will only get worse. You cannot sweep relationship problems under a rug – they will only get bigger and the problems get worse.

Does this situation sound familiar to you? If you are ready to talk with someone, book a free 20-minute consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter for more valuable resources that may be helpful to you.