Guilt sucks and it doesn’t make you a better person. In reality, it has the opposite affect. You don’t become more conscious in relationships because you feel guilty about relationships in the past.
In my work as a relationship coach, I’ve had the privilege of guiding many incredible women through the tumultuous seas of post-divorce life. Each story is unique, yet a common thread weaves through them all—a sense of guilt lingering from past relationships and a hesitancy to step back into the world of dating. These emotions are powerful and deeply felt, but as we navigate through them together, we uncover a path to healing and love that is both profound and transformative.
Many women I’ve coached shared their struggles with the guilt of seeking new companionship. It’s as if they’re caught between honoring the past and embracing the possibility of new love, fearing that this desire might somehow negate the years and experiences that came before. Yet, through our sessions, we’ve discovered together that this longing for connection and joy is not a betrayal but a beautiful affirmation of their capacity to love and be loved again.
Guilt often acts as a fog, clouding our judgment and dampening our self-esteem. It raises doubts about our readiness, our ability to trust again, and our worthiness of love. It is also not natural, we are not born with guilt, it is man made. We know this because we observe some cultures feel guilt around sex and some are completely nonchalant.
When women become aware of how much guilt is popping up in her mind, she can start to delve into these feelings, challenging the beliefs that feed our guilt. We start with seeing if this guilt serves any purpose with the question: Is this guilt truly serving us, or is it a barrier to the happiness and connection we yearn for? Do we believe that that guilt makes up for our perceived sins.
I was brought up a Catholic to think guilt in some way makes you a more reflective but after doing my own mindset work, I realized this was an unhealthy way to understand myself. I’ve learned some ways to begin to transform guilt and creating new habits and I like to share some key steps:
- Acknowledging Feelings: It’s crucial to allow yourself to fully experience each emotion, recognizing them as part of the healing journey.
- Reframing Thoughts: We work to challenge and change the stories that contribute to feelings of guilt, reinforcing the idea that seeking happiness and love is not just a right but an essential part of being human.
- Prioritizing Open Communication: In the realm of dating, we emphasize the importance of honesty and transparency, both with oneself and potential partners. This openness is the foundation upon which trust can be rebuilt.
- Celebrating Individuality: Embracing one’s journey, appearance, age, and experiences as strengths rather than obstacles is a powerful step towards finding companionship that truly resonates.
Through the stories and transformations of the incredible women I’ve coached, I’ve seen firsthand how guilt can be reshaped into a force for positive change. It requires patience, self-compassion, and sometimes a helping hand to guide through the fog. Venturing back into dating after a divorce isn’t just about finding a compatible partner; it’s about rediscovering oneself, one’s desires, and the ability to open one’s heart to love and trust once more.
Whoever may be feeling unsure about embarking on a new relationship after a significant breakup, know that you are not alone in these feelings. They are part of a natural healing process, but they do not have to define your journey. As you work through the guilt and embrace the path ahead, trust that there is indeed someone out there who’s worth stepping off the couch for—not just on a Friday, but on any day when love decides to knock on your door again.
Feeling like guilt that show up again and again are not natural. It’s a signal from your spirit that it’s time to do some well deserved self-care. To gain support, DM me www.meganoneill.ca or connect on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/megancorebeliefs/
Discover how to rebuild trust, download my free Lunar Trust Blueprint www.meganoneill.ca/freebie