How Money Beliefs in Relationships Create Conflict (and How to Heal It)

 

Get your money exercise to work through with your partner or solo here

Let me ask you a question right off the bat:
Have you ever had conflict with your partner around money?
(Spoiler alert: yes, you have—we all have.)

I know I have. Every one of my clients has. And basically every single one of my friends. So if you’re feeling the tension in your relationship when it comes to spending, saving, or who’s picking up the grocery tab—you are not alone.

Let me give you a little behind-the-scenes from my own life: I have very strong beliefs when it comes to money—especially around grocery shopping. I love a good deal, I price check everything, and I’m totally “Miss Save-Money” in the supermarket aisle.

My husband? He’s the opposite. He just tosses things in the cart like we’re not even trying to stick to the budget. We eventually agreed that I’d do the shopping (yes, I have control issues there and I own it 😅), but the bigger realization was this:

👉 Our money habits aren’t just personal quirks. They’re inherited beliefs.
They come from our families. Our upbringings. Our past experiences.
And they’re often completely unconscious—until we bump into someone else’s version.

The Money Beliefs You Didn’t Know You Inherited

Money beliefs, like so many of the beliefs that shape our relationships, are passed down through generations.

For example, I grew up with the idea that taking a taxi was extravagant. My mom was taught that by her dad, and it stuck with her. And now? Yep, I still avoid taxis—even when it might be more convenient—because somewhere in the back of my mind, it still feels like “wasting money.”

My husband, on the other hand, was raised with what I call “immigrant kid beliefs.” His father came to Canada from another country and brought with him a different worldview—one rooted in survival, hard work, and a very strong sense of financial responsibility. That lens has shaped so much of how my husband makes decisions about money today.

So let me ask you this, love:
Where did your money beliefs come from? And how are they playing out in your relationship right now?

 

How These Beliefs Sneak Into Our Relationships

It’s not always about big expenses. Sometimes the tension is around the everyday things—like groceries, kids’ activities, or even how many times a week your partner plays hockey (shoutout to my fellow Canadians! 🇨🇦).

I’ve had women share with me that they resent their partner’s recreational spending—while their partner sees it as necessary self-care and connection with friends.

Here’s the thing: both people can be right. But if your beliefs aren’t being named and shared, they end up driving your dynamic in the background—creating miscommunication, disconnection, and resentment.

A Story That Stuck With Me

I once worked with a man who had grown up in deep poverty. His father left, and his mother had to fight to make ends meet. That experience left him traumatized—and it deeply shaped his relationship with money.

As an adult, he was incredibly controlling around finances. He believed in paying off the mortgage as fast as possible, no matter what. His wife, on the other hand, longed for more balance. She wanted them to enjoy life now, not just someday.

She suggested taking a cruise. He said no. Over time, the pattern repeated. And years later, when their marriage was struggling, she pointed back to that moment—the missed cruise—as symbolic of the emotional and lifestyle sacrifices she had made in the name of security.

It wasn’t about the trip.
It was about the beliefs underneath.
And how those beliefs, when left unspoken or unchallenged, had built a wall between them.

 

Here’s What I Want You to Know

Beliefs are powerful. Especially the ones we inherit around love, safety, and money.

But they aren’t permanent.
They’re not you.
They’re just old programming that may no longer serve who you are now.

 

So take a moment to get curious.
Ask yourself:
✨ What do I really believe about money?
✨ Where did those beliefs come from?
✨ And are they creating connection—or conflict—in my relationship?

 

Because when money feels calm, clear, and aligned…
💛 Love flows more easily.
💛 Resentment fades.
💛 You make decisions from wholeness—not from fear.

That’s the power of belief work. And you, my dear, are absolutely capable of shifting it.

Until next time,
Megan