Megan O'Neill

Mindset Mentor

Core Belief Engineering

Do You Really Believe in Yourself?

” I have the belief everything always works out for me. “

Allison Hardy, my last guest on my podcast Belief Alchemy with Megan O’Neill, revealed this belief to me during our interview, and I thought it was beautiful and needed to be shared. If you missed the episode, click here

I work with clients to discover deep subconscious beliefs, and I have observed that almost universally, people are not taught this powerful belief. The belief is that it is good and safe and perhaps rewarding when you take risks or do something different. The belief that you can trust. Trust God or the Universe or yourself.

Instead, we are taught at our parent’s knees to believe that we are in danger and must be on alert for the other shoe to drop. Our ancestors communicated through the ages that worry and fear will keep you safe instead of confidence and calmness. They thought a negative belief that if you had faith or trust that things would work out or are even good, made you vulnerable or a fool.

Humans are not fools naturally or born distrustful and fearful. I know from my deep core beliefs work with clients that we are born with a treasure trove of deep self-trust and unshakeable confidence that is deeper than fear. We absorb fear from the outside world and take on the feeling to believe it’s our own.  

What if we choose to believe that everything will work out for us in business or in our life?

How would that change how you show up in your business, interact in the world or take intentional action?

Just imagine you believe that everything will work out…

Write down what comes to you as you imagine. It’s your mindset roadmap.

Is Your Money Mindset Impacting Your Business Growth

Have you heard yourself utter sentences that sound similar to something your parents might say? What about “money doesn’t’ grow on trees” or “you have to work hard for your money?”  Don’t worry, you aren’t turning into your parents but you are likely echoing their money beliefs. These same money beliefs create your money mindset and can affect the feelings and decisions you make toward your business. 

Money mindset represents a system of beliefs in the area of money. It’s how you feel and respond to money. You have many different systems of mindset. For example: you have a relationship mindset, a parenting mindset and even a friendship mindset. All of these mindsets reflect the beliefs you have regarding each subject. If you want to understand how your mindset works, consider the following sentence. “My philosophy around money is …” The completed sentence will reveal a plethora of beliefs. Some beliefs are healthy, and some, not so much. 

Finding the pattern

For many years, I struggled with my own money mindset because I grew up with an entrepreneurial father whose business caused a lot of tension between my parents. That led me to develop the belief that money was something stressful and unpredictable. The long-term pattern I saw as a result of my money beliefs was that I tended to panic when I had to let go of money. I was resistant to investing in my business, hiring people and raising my fees. No matter how well I was doing, it always felt dangerous and risky.  I was afraid I wouldn’t have enough money coming in to replenish what was left in my bank account. My childhood money beliefs caused me to stall my business. 

You don’t have to experience dramatic ups and downs in childhood related to money to have negative money beliefs. You could be like my husband who had a financially stable childhood but still acquired negative beliefs because he heard his dad say things like, “Canadian kids are spoiled.” His father was an immigrant who came to Canada as a child, right after the Second World War. He saw his family struggle to make ends meet. At the same time, he saw his “Canadian” neighbours seemingly have it easy.  It was a child’s perception and didn’t necessarily reflect reality but resulted in the feeling of never being financially affluent, regardless of bank balance.

A legacy of beliefs

Beliefs are not necessarily based on reality but on how children perceive and interpret their surroundings. We also believe what authority figures like our mom and dad tell us. However, if you are a parent you know that what we say to our kids is not always correct and well-reasoned. Beliefs around the subject of money most often come from our own learning as children. They are what our parents taught us and their parents before them. I call them “legacy beliefs.” 

I have been teaching money mindset to women entrepreneurs for the last couple of years with a focus on helping them recognize their legacy beliefs. Women often struggle with negative money beliefs but don’t necessarily recognize it because we have been conditioned through childhood and by society to believe that we don’t deserve to receive money. This results in not making confident financial decisions for business growth and literally making less than we should for our knowledge and experience. It’s not a coincidence that women in Canada still make less than men. According to the Canadian Income Survey Statics Canada, women earned 75 cents to the dollar in 2016.

The cost of a negative money mindset is not theoretical, it is real. We need to create awareness of the conditioning we received – conditioning that created enduring beliefs. If we start to shift toward a more empowered money mindset we will make confident decisions to grow our businesses. A larger number of financially successful businesses means we will have more influence on all aspects of society. Goodness knows women will make the world a better place. 

The Solution – Part 3 – Pick ONLY one: Power OR Passiveness

You Know Who Doesn’t Have Imposter Syndrome? Hillary Clinton!

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Rapper Lizzo, TIME’s Entertainer of the Year, is no stranger to imposter syndrome. “I still don’t believe (the crowds), y’all paid them to be out there!’ 

Recently back in the headlines thanks to Hillary Clinton.

When Hillary responded to the queen of “own your value” – anyone who was watching knew what she was saying and who she was saying it to (if you don’t know the lyrics, they end with “…100% that b*tch!”) – and we roared with approval! 

‘Yo, I make pop music but that (Hillary’s tweet) made me feel like I was a part of POP CULTURE. To reach a Presidential Candidate and a Former First Lady is wild.’

I love Lizzo. And the power that women rappers represent. And I’ll reserve much more on that for later.

In this note, I’ll like to spotlight Hillary Clinton. 

That’s right, everyone’s favourite villain didn’t become who she is today by procrastinating or struggling with self-doubt. She is a warrior who COMMANDS her life – the good AND the bad – instead of trying to control it. 

Being the commander of your life’s ship doesn’t mean being in CONTROL – rather, it means being sure-footed, and having uncensored conviction in every step you take or decision you make. 

Does that sound impossible?

I invite you reconsider that. It’s not. 

A life full of uncertainty is a life of PASSIVENESS, not POWER.

POWER is greater than PASSIVENESS.

You know what can actively hamper power? Too much responsibility. Sounds contradictory but think about it for a minute.

Why are 66% of people who self-identify with imposter syndrome women? Probably due to the staggering weight of responsibility we carry around on our shoulders, juggling work life, family responsibilities, and today’s socially driven fetish to “be perfect” – right down to how we act and look.

But guess what. We women are pissed. And just like Lizzo and Hillary, we’re not going to take it anymore.

Channel that pissed-ness. 

It is power.

The solution – part 2 – Pick ONLY one: Command OR Control

“Take a route of exploration and creativity, set some simple goals you want to accomplish, and experience what it feels like to step into your authentic power, connect to your true self, and own your value!”

Does that sentence drive you into mild palpitation?

The nearest adult beverage perchance?

I know my kind says that sort of thing a lot. I have too, on many occasions. It’s all about context, though.

Before most people can absorb a message like that in my experience, it’s necessary to break a few factors down.

In my work with people, we craft something called a ‘Contract for Change’. If I were to make a word cloud of the things I hear most often it would consist of these words:

  1. Calm
  2. Confident
  3. Not control-freaky
  4. Less-obsessive
  5. Less-perfectionist

To my mind what that screams is less CONTROL and more COMMAND.

Let’s use a cruise metaphor. 

There’s an engineering department that keeps the ship moving. There’s a customer service department that keeps the cruisers happy. There’s a kitchen with a head chef that keeps the people fed. There’s a health and sanitary department that makes sure 100s of floating people don’t get sick and die 😀

And there’s a captain.
Who commands all of it.

She doesn’t try to control all the details of the departments. Because she knows better.
Yet she channels the sum of the parts.
And if things go wrong, guess who gets to direct the fixing?
She does.

You are the captain.
Of your life. Of your career. All of it.
And if you spend your time CONTROLLING engineering, or customer service, or any of the other things, you’re not IN COMMAND.

If I have one tip for you here, it’s to shine a spotlight on what you’re struggling to let go of control on. What TRIGGERS you?

Is it your significant other’s standard of childcare?
Is it that your team got the FONT SIZE wrong in your powerpoint presentation?
Is it that all your life’s earning’s is in this thing and you can’t afford to fail?

If any of that sounds vaguely familiar that’s the CONTROL MONSTER speaking.

But it comes from a good place. Become friends with it and teach it the difference between control and command.

Megan

Ps: If the idea of sifting through all this feels overwhelming, I can help. I have a free micro course coming up on my private Facebook Group ‘Core Beliefs for Business’. It’s a supportive community of women (and non-women) looking to take out glass ceilings that we hadn’t quite realized existed.

The solution – part 1 – Pick ONLY one: Proactive OR Reactive

Snake oil promises notwithstanding, you CAN Achieve Greatness

I love helping people achieve their greatness. Nothing feels better than when your business feels easy, you’ve landed the perfect clients, your confidence is soaring, procrastination has been kicked to the curb, and you’re feeling clear and conscious every single day.

Sometimes what I do is hard to define.

Achieving greatness is SUCH A LARGE CONCEPT.

And promising to help you do it sounds like promising snake oil.

BUT, it is possible.

We talked previously about procrastination and how it comes from a place of fear. It is inherently a defensive posture — and it wastes a TON of mental energy. 

Why?

Because when we go into defensive mode, we are being REACTIVE.

And most GREATNESS is inherently PROACTIVE.

PROACTIVE  is always greater than REACTIVE.

via GIPHY

If there’s one tip I can give you to hammer this one home, it’s to spot the triggers that make you reactive. 

What are you doing because someone else expects it?

What are you procrastinating on because you don’t trust yourself?

What are the things in your world that are ‘I should do this’ instead of ‘I want to do this’?

Instead of wasting your mental (and often physical) resources letting other people define your priorities, embrace a more artistic approach to your thinking. 

And here’s a little FREE BONUS: How to tell if you’re being artistic or defensive

Megan

The diagnosis: Feminine Imposter Syndrome

“I don’t want to do this now.

I’ll ignore it.

There’s so much on my plate.

I’m busy. 

How can I be expected to be the best mom in the world and serve fucking organic strawberries in the park, and also do this for fuck’s sake???

(Oh the sky is pretty, why aren’t I out? It’s a lovely, sunny day. I hate my life.)

Phone rings….

That thing gets forgotten.

Oooooh (insert your favourite brand here) has a sale. Let me check what they have. I need cheap clothes to save money.

*stomach continues to knot*”

That’s a stream of consciousness piece of humour from one of my writer clients about her imposter syndrome.

Perhaps you recognize it?

Maybe you’re stuck in a pattern of procrastinating to the point your stomach’s in knots and your work output has stalled. Well, join the club, you have imposter syndrome! 

I say “join the club” not to make light of what you’re going through – I say it because nearly three-quarters of the population admits to experiencing Imposter Syndrome at some point in their lives. 

That they got lucky, somehow. 

That they aren’t deserving of their success, and one day, people will realize they are frauds. 

Imposter Syndrome Messes with the Mighty. Women in particular.

And many if not most are in the top tier of success in their respective fields! If you don’t think Oscar winners, Pulitzer Prize nominees, and high-flying businesswomen suffer from Imposter Syndrome periodically, take a gander at this list!

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook

“Every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself. Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn’t embarrass myself — or even excelled — I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again.”

Tina Fey, actress, comedian, writer, producer, and playwright

“Ah, the impostor syndrome!? The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh god, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’

Maya Angelou, Pulitzer-prize nominee and renowned poet and author

“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”

Natalie Portman, Academy Award-winning actress

“When I came to Harvard Yard as a freshman in 1999…I felt like there had been some mistake — that I wasn’t smart enough to be in this company and that every time I opened my mouth I would have to prove I wasn’t just a dumb actress.”

Samantha Bee, Canadian comedian, writer, producer, political commentator, actress, and television host

“It’s that impostor syndrome when you sit around thinking, ‘Why would they hire me? Oh my God, when are they going to figure out that I shouldn’t be here?’ I guess that they never figured it out. I got pretty lucky.”

There’s that “got lucky” thing again. 

Success is Not Luck!

Trust me, ladies, your success is not “luck” – it’s hard work, drive and determination that got you where you are today, imposter syndrome be damned!

I’ve said I’m personally dedicating time and resources to make that statement as close to true as I can.

We’ve now established that a LOT of people experience crippling self-doubt occasionally, and after reading the list above, you might not be surprised to hear that 66 percent of those people are women. Why? Some say it’s due to the staggering weight of responsibility we carry around on our shoulders, juggling work life, family responsibilities, and today’s socially driven fetish to “be perfect” – right down to how we act and look. 

So, how do we fix it? First, let’s figure out where you sit on the “imposter syndrome” scale, so to speak. 

  • The Perfectionist – They have such high expectations for themselves that even small mistakes will make them feel like a failure.
  • The Superwoman/Superman – They put in longer hours, never take days off and must succeed in all aspects of life in order to prove they are the “real deal.”
  • The Natural Genius – They are used to things coming easily, so when something is too hard or they don’t master it on the first try, they feel shame and self-doubt.
  • The Soloist – They don’t like to ask for help, so when they do, they feel like a failure or a fraud.
  • The Expert – They continuously seek out additional certifications or training because they feel as though they will never know enough to be truly qualified.

How Childhood Imprints on Your Mindset

Wherever you place yourself, these feelings don’t just appear “out of the blue.” Imposter syndrome stems, not surprisingly, from childhood. Maybe you never felt your grades were good enough? Or you had superstar siblings that outshone you at every turn. Perhaps there wasn’t much love or appreciation in your household, and nothing you did was ever good enough? 

I can tell you some stories about all of those. And so can many others.

These ideas become internalized, and what you believe creates your reality. 

It creates the driving need to achieve, yet never feeling like you really deserve it. 

To keep striving for overachievement that is rarely possible, and constantly feel like a failure.

Look, I’ve been trained my whole life not to oversimplify diagnosis. And this doesn’t come easy for me. But there are some UNIVERSAL TRUTHS.

And imposter syndrome is one of them.

You’re smart and accomplished because you’re SMART and ACCOMPLISHED! 

Not because of luck, or chance, or lack of competition or whatever else you’re attributing to it.

It’s you.

And there can be more of it.

I can show you how.

You might know you’re stuck in a rut — you might even know exactly why you’re feeling self-doubt or like a fraudster. And you would change those feelings in a heartbeat, right? Except you never do because something holds you back.

What’s holding you back is NOT REAL. And I can help you dismantle it.
Tomorrow I will give you the first of 3 ORs that can help guide your thinking to making imposter syndrome an ex-best friend.